What I felt was an enormous sense of relief. I mean, there was surprise and joy and everything positive you can think of. But at the same time there was this undercurrent of absolute relief. And it wasn’t as if I was aware that there was some anticipation. I do believe in the unconscious. So, a sense of affirmation that was wonderfully powerful and a sense that, “Gosh, somebody thinks I can write well.” And you work all your years, and you always want that. And if you had said 24 hours before, “Do you think you’re a good writer?” I would have said, “Yeah, I write some good stuff from time to time.” I think that’s the way most of us feel all the time. And then you get this enormous I hope it’s not to trivialize it vote of confidence that says, “You’re really good.” And what can that be, but nothing but gratifying?
But it doesn’t change anything. It doesn’t help me write the next book. It maybe makes me a little bit more patient, I hope, or more generous to other people. I don’t know. Maybe I tip more at the restaurant. But, basically, it says the world seems to think you write well.
The other side of it is that because you get the award, other people assume you write well. I’m not so sure all the time. It’s good there’s nothing wrong with it.
But there are new books to write. Writing’s still hard. My 15-year-old being a 15-year-old still hasn’t read the book; and that’s fine, too. My life is rooted in my family; and family life, with all its pleasures and stresses, still lies at the center of my life. And every day I work, the way everyone else does. My work is being a writer, and I’ve been lucky. And I work at it, and it’s okay. There it is.
Listen, if you have five kids, there’s no way you can retire. But the good news is one of them is going to go on to medical school. So, by the time I retire, she’ll be able to take care of me on the cheap she’d better!
