As I get older I’m starting to understand that all my work comes from a place of being slightly on the outside of an in group and I actually think that this is a very valuable place to be as a writer. So I was just talking with a couple of writer friends recently about the “own voice” movement and how important it is for insiders in a community to write that story, right? Because there is an authenticity.
But I was arguing that sometimes it’s the insider who’s sort of on the margins of that own voice community who can see it the best. Right? Because they’re not right in the middle of it, they’re kind of watching it and they’re a good observer of that community.
So there have been several places in my life where I felt like I was slightly on the outside of that community. Well, first of all there’s the obvious racial delineation of, you know, my dad was Mexican and my mom was White. So as a mixed kid, I never felt like I was quite Mexican enough to be down with my cousins or my Mexican friends. I was there, I was in these groups, but I was never on the inside.
But I also didn’t feel like I was White enough to be really close with the White friends in my community, so I felt like I was just slightly on the outside there. And it’s you’re kind of like you’re an interloper. And I feel like you get access to both groups while you’re not on the inside of either.
And it’s actually a great place to report from and there are many ways I’ve done this. So, for instance, sports and creative writing. I was a basketball player, but I was writing poetry all the time and I ultimately ended up writing books. And so I remember in the writing world I always felt like, did people think of me as a jock? And I hated that. But in the basketball world, sometimes my teammates would make fun of me for being interested in writing poems. Like, “This isn’t what we do.” So, there’s that too.
And then I will also say, I grew up in this working class community. I grew up very poor and this was my life and now I’m in a different position in my life. Right? I can afford to have a house. I can afford to go to restaurants. I can afford to buy clothes any time I want.
And now it’s so strange, because you would think you would settle into that new life of opportunity and privilege, but I still feel like I’m not quite in that world. So I think even in my life today, I don’t feel fully inside of the group I exist in. And, that seems like it’d be a problem, but I think for me I really value it as a writer.
