Ahoy maties right now I be reading from me pirate book, Pirate versus Pirate with beautiful illustrations by Alexandra Boyger. I dedicated this book to me husband who loves a pirate story. So I’m going to read the dedication, “To Christopher, a true treasure of a guy, here be the pirate tale ye craved.” And I’ll just tell you it’s a story about Bad Bart a guy pirate and girl pirate named Mean Mo. And they both want to be the biggest, baddest pirate in the world.
So are you ready maties? Bad Bart was the biggest, burliest pirate this side of the Atlantic but he wanted to be the biggest, burliest pirate in the world and the richest. So one day he roared hoist anchor me hearties, raise high the flag we sail until I be the best.
Meanwhile another pirate tapped her gold tooth and squinted out to sea, Mean Mo was the maddest mightiest pirate this side of the Pacific, ‘But am I the maddest, mightiest pirate in the world?’ she wondered, ‘And the richest?’ So she set sail to find out.
The earth being round, the two met in the middle, ahoy alabast roared Bad Bart, swing aside and let me pass. Swing yourself ya scurvy dog, Mean Mo roared right back. Bad Bart blinked. He wasn’t used to backtalk, he tried again I be the biggest, burliest and I be the maddest, mightiest Mean Mo interrupted I’ll not move for a rouge like ye. And then they called one and other all sorts of bad pirate names.
They one and other rouge and deck swabber and grog swiller and land lubber and bilge rat, and sea skunk but the worst of all Mean Mo turned to Bad Bart and called him a gentlemen. And Bad Bart and turned to her and called her a lady.
Such insults! Bad Bart stamped off to his quarters, Mean Mo to hers, they sulked and stewed for two whole days before they came out again.
And then they decided they were going to have a great big fight, one ship against the other and this is where I’d like to ask all me young maties out there, why is a big fight not a good idea? And that’s when the kids will tell me oh Captain Q, because they like to call me Captain Q when I’m dressed like this, they’ll say oh Captain Q it’s not a good idea to have a fight because you hurt somebody, you hurt yoursel